Navigating Work Life with Inattentive ADHD

For the longest time, I didn’t have a name for the struggles I faced throughout my career. Self-doubt, negative self-talk, bouts of low and sometimes nonexistent motivation, and a frequent desire to "do something new" plagued me. Just before my diagnosis, these struggles became so undeniable that I could no longer ignore them. A diagnosis of inattentive ADHD Finally explained why I experienced these feelings. However, the relief of understanding myself was quickly overshadowed by a paralyzing fear: I might lose my job for being who I am.

The fear is all-consuming. Each day, I worry that my inability to stay focused and my need for constant external motivation will be my downfall. I find myself only truly motivated when my back is against the wall, deadlines loom large, and there’s no room for error. It’s a cycle of procrastination and panic that leaves me exhausted. I have to set deadlines for my deadlines just to keep on top of my tasks, a web of self-imposed urgency that sometimes spirals out of control.

Simple tasks, the kind that others accomplish with ease, often feel impossible to me. Something as routine as organizing my emails or preparing for a meeting can become overwhelming. The fear that I’ll make a mistake, that I’ll be seen as incompetent, is always there, gnawing at my confidence. I look at my colleagues and wonder how they manage it all so seamlessly while I struggle with what seems to be the basics.

Hiding in the shadows of myself is becoming increasingly exhausting. Each day, I put on a mask, trying to blend in, to appear as though I have everything under control. But inside, I’m battling a storm, fighting to keep my head above water. The effort it takes to maintain this facade is wearing me down, and I’m starting to question how much longer I can keep it up.

Living with inattentive ADHD in the workplace is a constant balancing act, a tightrope walk between managing my symptoms and maintaining my job performance. I know I’m capable and that I have strengths and talents, but the fear of letting my actual self show is ever-present. And as the shadows I hide in grow darker, I can’t help but wonder: How much longer can I sustain this? How much longer can I hide?